Comedy Sketch Writer Gifts

"We'll get what we need from you. Guaranteed!" "Officer Madoff, the best stool softener on the force."

Zombie standup

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'Dad, would you ming standing up, then accidentally tripping on the dog and falling flat on your face? I'll try to get it in one shot.'

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'What's the big thrill about Budgie Jumping!?'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

America's funniest election gaffes

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

"What you have is what we call Cactunitus. It's when your skin is so dry you start to morph into a cactus."

"Actually it's quite nice. It's just that I don't think I'm your dad."

'How about a nice saloon?'

Soldiers' Ego

Comedy School: 'Please knocky nicky nooo!'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"Welcome aboard, Thompson. Brono here will lay out the itinerary."

Uncle Sam admires lipstick marks on his butt.

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

'We have lost the video and voice audio, but will continue with the laugh track.'

Celebrity endorsements? I thought you said celibate endorsements. No wonder we're coming in under budget.

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

Clive Anderson