Comedy Sketch Gifts

'We've got a big bet riding on this -- are you sure you're not descended from penguins?'

"I don't get it - he wasn't with us when we started."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"As I was only saying the other day..."

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'Dad, would you ming standing up, then accidentally tripping on the dog and falling flat on your face? I'll try to get it in one shot.'

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'What's the big thrill about Budgie Jumping!?'

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

"Okay so which one stole your cereal?"

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

John Cleese.

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"What you have is what we call Cactunitus. It's when your skin is so dry you start to morph into a cactus."

"Actually it's quite nice. It's just that I don't think I'm your dad."

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"Welcome aboard, Thompson. Brono here will lay out the itinerary."

'I, pink, therefore, I ham...'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'Don't try to deny it, Jehovah - we've got witnesses.'

Why does every kid want the wallet size? School picture, early days.

Bob Odenkirk

"We'll get what we need from you. Guaranteed!" "Officer Madoff, the best stool softener on the force."

Autopsy Room / a banana autopsy room.

"Let's see how you like it, tough guy!"

"I've come about the guitar lessons..."

Bird flu parody of Monty Python's 'Dead parrot sketch'.

"You have one, two, three months to live."

"If 'Slothra' takes any longer climbing to the top I'll have to land and refuel again."