Comedy Sketch T-Shirts

'We've got a big bet riding on this -- are you sure you're not descended from penguins?'

"I don't get it - he wasn't with us when we started."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'Dad, would you ming standing up, then accidentally tripping on the dog and falling flat on your face? I'll try to get it in one shot.'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

'What's the big thrill about Budgie Jumping!?'

"Okay so which one stole your cereal?"

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

"Actually it's quite nice. It's just that I don't think I'm your dad."

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

"What you have is what we call Cactunitus. It's when your skin is so dry you start to morph into a cactus."

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"Welcome aboard, Thompson. Brono here will lay out the itinerary."

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

"We'll get what we need from you. Guaranteed!" "Officer Madoff, the best stool softener on the force."

Autopsy Room / a banana autopsy room.

'And we're just a stone's throw from the beach.'

Sheep with its wool unwinding because it's snagged on a tree

"I've come about the guitar lessons..."

"You have one, two, three months to live."

"If 'Slothra' takes any longer climbing to the top I'll have to land and refuel again."

Bird flu parody of Monty Python's 'Dead parrot sketch'.

"Let's see how you like it, tough guy!"