Comedy Sketch Friend Gifts

Mafia Passport Photo

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'Dad, would you ming standing up, then accidentally tripping on the dog and falling flat on your face? I'll try to get it in one shot.'

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"Such a refreshing day...I've spent 18 hours between napping and comatose."

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

'What's the big thrill about Budgie Jumping!?'

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

"Okay so which one stole your cereal?"

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

John Cleese.

'How about a nice saloon?'

"What you have is what we call Cactunitus. It's when your skin is so dry you start to morph into a cactus."

Comedy School: 'Please knocky nicky nooo!'

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"Actually it's quite nice. It's just that I don't think I'm your dad."

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'I, pink, therefore, I ham...'

Why does every kid want the wallet size? School picture, early days.

Finally, after years of disappointment, Terry Who got to live our his 'Abbott and Costello' moment.

'Don't try to deny it, Jehovah - we've got witnesses.'

"We'll get what we need from you. Guaranteed!" "Officer Madoff, the best stool softener on the force."

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

"The big one dropped his weapon, but keep an eye on the little one. I think he's still armed."

Autopsy Room / a banana autopsy room.

"I've come about the guitar lessons..."

"Let's see how you like it, tough guy!"