Comedy Sketch Fan Gifts

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'I don't know how much longer we can keep paying off these building inspectors.'

'Your deductible is very high because you signed up for the Affordable Health Care Act...'

Don't just stand there! Give me a hand!

'I'll stop playing when you stop snoring!'

'It's a Mexican Wave, not a 'ALL HAIL TO THE QUEEN' you egotistical tw@t!'

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

When I suggested you adopt a pen name, I didn't mean 'ball point'!

'Hello, I've just moved in next door. Can I borrow some sugar please?'

'Whadya think Don Luigi you gonna make me an offer for Greece?'

'Can you spell that?'

'I think we are just about to be found out,'

'It's indigestion due to your lifestyle, you're watching too many T.V. cookery shows.'

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

'Your husband was drunk when he slammed into a brick wall, but luckily he wasn't driving.'

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"OK, Adam, we'll hear version, right after this commercial break..."

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"I was going to give him accupunture, but on second thoughts..."

"What would become of your family, Mr. Goliath, if, for instance, some little kid killed you with a slingshot?"

Ukrainian Elections

0 Days Since Last Accident

"Drinking home alone, I think he may have a problem."

Last Chance...

We Shoplift to Order: "Who wanted the fridge?"

"Okay so which one stole your cereal?"

"You have one, two, three months to live."

Jail Break

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

IRS 'We'll have one long form, one short form, and one just-right form.'

"I've come about the guitar lessons..."

'Oh! So you're a large animal practitioner. We'll, you're going to LOVE this!'

'You'll talk eventually. We just need to find the chink in your armour, your Achilles heel... YOUR blue suede shoes?' 'You fiend!'

ESP - Say the first thing that comes to your mind...

"You call that a 'man bun'? I'll show you a real man bun, sonny."