Comedy Sketch Fans Gifts

'Good news! That spot is B-9!'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Sheep with its wool unwinding because it's snagged on a tree

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"That'll be five bucks."

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

"As I was only saying the other day..."

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Standard & Poor

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

Paging for a Doctor

The first case of resume padding.

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"Don't go in there!!"

Yakety-Yak

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"