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"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Sheep with its wool unwinding because it's snagged on a tree

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

"As I was only saying the other day..."

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

Standard & Poor

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

Yakety-Yak

"Okay so which one stole your cereal?"

Paging for a Doctor

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.