Comedy Sketches Fan Gifts

'Harry's living in the past.'

"Actually it's quite nice. It's just that I don't think I'm your dad."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

The Rooster Comedian.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

'You brought my slippers?... What kind of rescue dog are you?!'

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

"Am I sensing fear?"

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Paging for a Doctor

"Okay so which one stole your cereal?"

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

'How about a nice saloon?'

Comedy School: 'Please knocky nicky nooo!'

Stephen Fry

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

No, they're not divorced --- She said that's her "ox-husband."

John Cleese.

"Welcome aboard, Thompson. Brono here will lay out the itinerary."

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"