Comedy Scriptwriter Prints

Prisoner escape

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Zombie standup

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

'Dad, would you ming standing up, then accidentally tripping on the dog and falling flat on your face? I'll try to get it in one shot.'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Aw, geez, is my fly down again? Why Superman started wearing his underwear over his pants.

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

A pretention of playwrights

Mensa Does Improv

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

America's funniest election gaffes

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

'Hang on a minute...'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

Hollywood producer.

Actor practising his indian war crys

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

Athens Playhouse. Euclid is rehearsing a play he wrote about lust, money and lies. Investment Sales Office. Don't be obtuse! Face each other from this angle! He's a tough director. It's surprising that Euclid, the father of geometry, wrote about passion, money and deceit. I thought so too, until I read the script. It's a story about a pyramid scheme and a love triangle!