Satirical Storyteller Gifts

'While doing the research, keep in mind there are only two kinds of facts...Those that support my position...and inconclusive.'

"As it happened, my work as an accountant transcended the genre."

Please type in your pin number...

'If it pleases the court, my client pleads 'kind of innocent'.'

'Yes, we do offer free medical treatment. But, our statistics show that paying clients are 100% more likely to make a full recovery.'

"What goes around comes around more annoying."

"Are these just guidelines, or are they actual new policies?"

'Read the one where all the Enron employees are fighting over the paper shredder.'

'I see she found a sugar-daddy.'

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

'The house has been repossessed by the Devil ...'

Gulliver decided to stay in Lilliput and sign a lucrative contract for Long Distance Running.

"It's extremely rare for anyone to suffer side effects from health supplements Mr Baxter. Just how much cod liver oil have you been taking?"

"Monopoly taught me a lot as a kid, things like, you can get out of jail if you have enough money."

"The beatings will continue until morale improves."

'Who ordered twelve gross of aluminium buckets for the bailout?'

"He takes his role as a funeral director very seriously."

I think I've solved our downsizing problem!

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

'I write non-fiction with a dash of rubbish to confuse the critics.'

Jonathan Swift

Airlines: 'Excuse me - I have to pay more beause I take up two seats and now I pay extra for peanuts!'

"It's true. God appeared to Trump in a dream and told him to run for president."

"Somebody's got a sense of humour... he calls this one - 'God's gift to women!'"

Police Station: Wanted Poster with man in mask.

"Putney, there's only one thing that keeps me from firing you. You know too much and could write a tell- all book."

Oliver Twist As Re-imagined in the Modern Boardroom.

Fired Editorial Cartoonists

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

"The meetings' minutes can be read in the newspaper's police report..."

"He's in training for the gig economy."

'The parachute, McConnel, you ****** self-centered idiot! Pull the ripcord.'

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."