Ironical Storyteller Gifts

'Here's my plan how to break out of here...'

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Swan Fairy Tales

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

J. R. R. Tolkien

The Demise of Tinkerbell

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"#notguilty."

I wonder what kind of wizard or vampire my husband will be

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Santa's Helpers

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

The little engine that delegated

How I met your mother

"It doesn't say, Son, whether or not Noah wore a captain's hat."

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

My Spam Sketchbook

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"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'