Ironic Storyteller Gifts

'This next song is about a close call and a near success. It's called The Grant that Got Away.'

"I suppose it was very sweet and old-fashioned of him, but, still, it was syphilis."

'It's the Titanic, afterwards.'

"... and they both pretended to live happily ever after."

"It's a novel about quarterly reports."

'Tell my wife I can't speak to her right now. However, she can send me a fax detailing the info on whether she had a boy or a girl.'

For Sale: Bagpipes, used only once by owner just before his murder.

So! Graham Greene.

'That Noah's some sailor, the World is covered in water and he runs aground!'

Bank Robbery - The CEOs took the money a long time ago.

"Deep down, I really believe the people of this country would've LOVED our brand of freedom and democracy. Too bad they didn't survive it."

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Swan Fairy Tales

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

The Demise of Tinkerbell

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"#notguilty."

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

Sisyphus visits Stowe

How I met your mother

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"It doesn't say, Son, whether or not Noah wore a captain's hat."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

The little engine that delegated

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."