Funny Storyteller Gifts

'Take this and use it to make really dumb jokes.'

"I can't believe this! When I was your age, I never hit a ball through a window!"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"#notguilty."

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Daughters at Bedtime

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

How I met your mother

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

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Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

Bull Pen

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

'It's odd...when I was CEO of Phoenix Industries everybody laughed at my jokes, but since I've been retired, nobody does.'

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"