Funny Storyteller Gifts

'Take this and use it to make really dumb jokes.'

"I can't believe this! When I was your age, I never hit a ball through a window!"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"#notguilty."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

How I met your mother

Daughters at Bedtime

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

Bull Pen

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

"It's true. God appeared to Trump in a dream and told him to run for president."

'Who ordered twelve gross of aluminium buckets for the bailout?'