Witty Storyteller Gifts

Wishing Well: Positively No Politically Incorrect Wishes!

"And I'm not one of those people who likes their literature peppered with innuendo. I like it showered in it."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

How I met your mother

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Crow and fox

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Old Joe was determined to reach the summit as he'd left his false teeth up there last week!

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"I do love you, but I love you as a crimefighter."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

Jokes machine.

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

The Algonquin Round Table

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

'This is okay, but my ambition is to be an automatic teller.'