Funny Storytellers Gifts

"I told the missus I'd be pottering around the garden all weekend."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

Pastries and Candy

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Home Sweet Home

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'Are we there yet?'

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'He was a great writer'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

"#notguilty."

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Jorge Luis Borges

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

'Tell me about your gap year, Mr, Van Winkle,'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

How I met your mother

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."