Quirky Scriptwriter Gifts

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"Don't editorialize."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

Mensa Does Improv

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with a positive message.

Hollywood producer.

'Hang on a minute...'

How I met your mother

Hollywood producer.

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

TV Situations vacant.