Satirical Journalist Gifts

'Russian scientists have determined where the meteorite than injured 1000 people came from. Thet say, 'It's not from around here.''

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Gee, thanks pal."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"#notguilty."

German School

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."