Satirical Humorist Gifts

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

The Evolution Of Man

"Of course it's an egg...but it's a chicken to those of us with vision..."

"No Shakespeare, yet. But, they are churning out ten drug names a week."

"With these credit default swaps, I never know whose legs I'm supposed to break."

'Are you in their internship program, as well?2

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

Man at Optometrists and reading an eye chart that spells out 'PAY ME WHAT YOU OWE ME',

"The system's not perfect, but, by God, it's transparent."

Lemming Univ.

"Timing is everything. I recommend that you act now before the authorities discover I've escaped."

"Is 'oblivious' the same as' undecided'?"

"I was at a high-powered investment firm for seven years and a high-powered penal institution for a year and a half."

"We did it, we found the nonprofit fountain of funding."

It was hard to put a price on progress. Real hard without a calculator.

'It's not much of a business plan.'

'Oh, that place...? we shut that down AGES ago!'

'We're foreclosing on your intellectual property.'

"Brodman, after giving it much thought, I've decided to let you go for no apparent reason."

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

Man on desert island - 'I'll hold.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Look, I have my misgivings, too, but what choice do we have except to stay the course?"

"Latest in computerised cash management."

Robinson Crusoe..."Daniel we love the idea but have you thought of adding a few more characters,maybe half a dozen celebrities who all want out!"

Dysfunctional Family Tree

'It's the most expensive commodity I could find...a printer ink cartridge.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"Because I'm worth it"

Will work for genetically altered food.

Trump and Kim Jong-un

"Every time we need our no-show guy, he's not here."

' ... and, finally, your contract allows you five minutes on Valentine's day to smell the roses.'

"You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else."

The salary was terrific, but something about Sally's new job made her very uneasy.