Satirical Specialist Gifts

Copycats

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

Skeptic Tank.

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Reverse psychology

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

Under new blame.

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

Strainspotting

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'