Satirical Skeptics Pillows

Stupid medicine - Shake Well Before Using.

Occu-Pie Mars

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

They're Not Just That Into It

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Reverse psychology

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

Strainspotting

The World's Biggest Book Club

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"God works in mysterious ways."

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."