Psychic Skeptics Gifts

"The baby is 114 days old...Very healthy...Turned completely upside-down..."

'If it's any consolation, Mr. Nostro couldn't have known what hit him.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"You're solemates!"

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"We fell for this last time remember..."

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"I can't really tell you the future but I'll tell you what's trending on Twitter."

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"This'll show the Theology Department."

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

"I'm getting your dear, departed husband—he can't believe you paid forty-five dollars for this."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

Crystal Ball Plug

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'