Celestial Skeptic Pillows

"I'd like to get my hands on the astrologer who told you that!"

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

A man looks up at the earth

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."

'I think that's always how it's been!'

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'

"I've been asked to dance on the head of a pin" "Yeah, you and an infinite number of others."

'So what's your sign?'

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

House of Wishful Thinking

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

"Is it always so cloudy?"

Actual Results May Vary

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

Valuation of Heaven

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

'Jesus? Jesus who?'