Astrology Skeptic Pillows

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

'So what's your sign?'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

Planting by the Moon.

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"I don't like space."

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

The Inner Dog.

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

Monster Horrorscopes

"So, what is your star sign?"

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'