Astrology Enthusiast Pillows

'Hmm...yes, I'm afraid it is a sign of cancer.'

'My horoscope says I'll be noticed by people who count.'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'There's a flaw in your experimental design. All the mice are libras.'

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'Well, I say it is part of a grand design.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'My horoscope says I'm going to meet a bearded horny stranger.'

'Thanks to the horoscopes, I became pretty rich! I devise and sell that stuff!'

Daniel in the Lion's Den

"We'll run some tests: lipoprotein, electrophoresis, SGOT, antibody titration,...oh, oh. I see you're a virgo."

"You will meet a tall dark handsome man and his wife will beat the tar out of you"

"What a coincidence, I'm a Piscean."

'What star sign are you?...No let me guess...'

"Want to hear your horoscope today? It's a hoot!"

'According to this rubbish I'm going on a long journey.'

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks. His moon was in Taurus!'

'Mmm... Thought so...Sagittarius right?'

"... What sign was I born under? ... A big one which read, 'Maternity Unit'."

Year of the Rat

"I don't see your Zodiac sign anywhere on your resume."

Date night between a Capricorn and Sagittarius.

"You're a Pisces, aren't you?"

"No, no, no! Stop right there! According to my horoscope, I'm supposed to have a good day!"

"Well, your numbers seem unlucky - five and seven to run concurrently."

"What do my stars say today?"

Gemini/people

If you love attention, this will be your kind of week!

'I'll have a lottery ticket, a diet chocolate bar, an astrology magazine, and a voters' guide.'

'I said - you don't want to read YOUR stars this morning, Fred!'

'My horoscope says I should get out more often.'

Cancer/crab

Horoscope: Aquarius "Your compnay may report a devastating fourt quarter...avoid suspension bridges today."

'Well, well, well, someone didn't read their Horoscope this morning.'