Astrology Enthusiast Gifts

'Hmm...yes, I'm afraid it is a sign of cancer.'

'My horoscope says I'll be noticed by people who count.'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'There's a flaw in your experimental design. All the mice are libras.'

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

'My horoscope says I'm going to meet a bearded horny stranger.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'Well, I say it is part of a grand design.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

"You will meet a tall dark handsome man and his wife will beat the tar out of you"

"What a coincidence, I'm a Piscean."

'According to this rubbish I'm going on a long journey.'

'What star sign are you?...No let me guess...'

"We'll run some tests: lipoprotein, electrophoresis, SGOT, antibody titration,...oh, oh. I see you're a virgo."

Daniel in the Lion's Den

"Want to hear your horoscope today? It's a hoot!"

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks. His moon was in Taurus!'

'Thanks to the horoscopes, I became pretty rich! I devise and sell that stuff!'

'Mmm... Thought so...Sagittarius right?'

"Well, your numbers seem unlucky - five and seven to run concurrently."

If you love attention, this will be your kind of week!

"What do my stars say today?"

'I'll have a lottery ticket, a diet chocolate bar, an astrology magazine, and a voters' guide.'

'Well, well, well, someone didn't read their Horoscope this morning.'

Horoscope: Aquarius "Your compnay may report a devastating fourt quarter...avoid suspension bridges today."

Cancer/crab

'My horoscope says I should get out more often.'

'I said - you don't want to read YOUR stars this morning, Fred!'

Gemini/people

"It says we're incompatible, I'm Virgo and you're stupid."

"Who cares if you're a Sagittarius? What's your Body-Mass Index?"

"My astrologer said my pension was fine but I just thought I'd get a second opinion."

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

Your stars say 'beware of the fourth quarter' but as you don't believe in them it doesn't matter.

"Ooh, let's see if I can guess your star sign from your personality traits; Vanity, ignorance, inflated ego, selfishness... Nope. You're going to have to tell me."