Astrology Lover Gifts

"You're a lesbian, how nice, I'm a pisces"

"The sign of the sun has been a big influence on his local life, it's his local pub."

"The paper's running horoscopes geared to residents of our city. Here's Leo: 'You'll be frustrated by local politics, delayed by road construction, and pay too much in taxes.'"

'By the way, I am a Sagittarius, and you?'

"Wow! I bet you're a Pisces or Aquarius!"

Psychic news - 'This guy fancies me'.

'Here's your problem. The software was manufactured in November and your computer was manufactured in February. Sagittarius is incompatible with Aquarius.'

"This is a heck of a way for a Pisces and an Aquarius to end up."

"Honey, it's not what you think! Daniel's zodiac is Pisces..."

Pisces Zodiac Sign.

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"What the... mine are lunar eclipse glasses!"

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

The Big Tipper

Spaceman looking out of the window of his spaceship at planets.

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

Planting by the Moon.

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'Warning: Use of oversized apertures or antennas will void warranty,'

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

"Oh Wow! Shooting star!"

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"I don't like space."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"