Astrology Fanatics Gifts

'Land somewhere remote -- if we're spotted, it'll help the Democrats.'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"What the... mine are lunar eclipse glasses!"

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

Planting by the Moon.

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'Warning: Use of oversized apertures or antennas will void warranty,'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

Ill next Thursday

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

The Inner Dog.

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"So, what is your star sign?"

Uranus always gets a bad rap. Tap tap tap tap tap. What do you mean, dorkboy? I mean, no matter how mature people think they are, they always, always want to chuckle when they say "Uranus." Come on, Sadie. You know you want to smirk, even if it's in secret. What if I told you Uranus is slightly bigger than Neptune? Not chuckling! Uranus is always the butt of the joke.

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

Monster Horrorscopes

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

"I used to believe in astrology, UFO's, reincarnation, ESP, and all that stuff - in a former life, of course."

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'

Eve makes a discovery with far reaching ramifications. Our star signs aren't compatible.

"Eye irritation is quite common when Saturn and Jupiter are in this position. It's called conjunctivitis."

Fortune Tellers Convention

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

Pentagon Science Contest: 'Since the military isn't known for doing things for the sake of science, why would they want to figure out how they can people to another solar system.'