Astrology Enthusiasts Pillows

What star sign are you, let me guess...libra?

"Sign here please." "Scorpio?"

"I always start the day by reading my horror scope."

'Hey, baby! You're a Virgo, right? We're compatible! I'm a Sagittarius unneutered cat hunter and mailman biter in ascendant Capricorn'!

'Hi, there -- What's your sign?'

Capricorn/goat

'Ah, here's what went wrong with your lovelife. This satellite interferes with your chart!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"What the... mine are lunar eclipse glasses!"

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

Planting by the Moon.

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"It's nowhere near as far away as we thought!"

'Warning: Use of oversized apertures or antennas will void warranty,'

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

The Inner Dog.

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

Uranus always gets a bad rap. Tap tap tap tap tap. What do you mean, dorkboy? I mean, no matter how mature people think they are, they always, always want to chuckle when they say "Uranus." Come on, Sadie. You know you want to smirk, even if it's in secret. What if I told you Uranus is slightly bigger than Neptune? Not chuckling! Uranus is always the butt of the joke.

"So, what is your star sign?"

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

Monster Horrorscopes

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."