Astrology Admirers Pillows

People were given a vast universe to teach them humility and they invented astrology to make it all about them.

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"What the... mine are lunar eclipse glasses!"

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

Planting by the Moon.

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"It's nowhere near as far away as we thought!"

'Warning: Use of oversized apertures or antennas will void warranty,'

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

The Inner Dog.

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"So, what is your star sign?"

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

Monster Horrorscopes

Uranus always gets a bad rap. Tap tap tap tap tap. What do you mean, dorkboy? I mean, no matter how mature people think they are, they always, always want to chuckle when they say "Uranus." Come on, Sadie. You know you want to smirk, even if it's in secret. What if I told you Uranus is slightly bigger than Neptune? Not chuckling! Uranus is always the butt of the joke.

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

"I used to believe in astrology, UFO's, reincarnation, ESP, and all that stuff - in a former life, of course."

"I'm your sun!"

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

Eve makes a discovery with far reaching ramifications. Our star signs aren't compatible.

Documentation Please