Astrology Buff Pillows

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

"I don't need to check your chart! The best time for you to have surgery is right now!"

'With all due respect for your horoscope, Sir, you're still going to jail today.'

Libra/scales

"So, you're certain that it will be okay for me to travel during December ... "

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

An alien in his space ship sees a space sign that says 'You are here'

"What the... mine are lunar eclipse glasses!"

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

65 Million Years Ago

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'As far as clock watching goes, you take the biscuit.'

The Big Tipper

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

Planting by the Moon.

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'Warning: Use of oversized apertures or antennas will void warranty,'

"I don't like space."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

NASA, 'I thought I smelled oxygen!'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

Dog Howling the Moon way

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'