Trash Connoisseur Gifts

"Don't be late - I'm making moldy meat and orange peels over coffee grinds with a side of egg shells."

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"There, all neat and tidy!"

"It's too late for Jim. The tchotchkes have him now."

Wow. Totaled. Teen Test Dummy.

Bob’s Museum

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

'I agree. You should definitely increase your refresh rate!'

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

'There are two color schemes: dark ones that attract light dirt, and light ones that attract dark dirt.'

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

"I'll wear any kind of dirt, but I prefer a rich loam with lots of humus."

"You've opened my eyes to the most disgusting worldly delights."

'The Anal Retentive Astronaut.' 'Just LOOK at all this DUST!'

'Look! It's Trendy Vineyards' Merlot Window Cleaner! Streak-free cleaning, because it's 50 proof!'

A catch-all is born.

'I leave it this way, because leaving it this way is a labor-saving device.'

"Dr. Green...5 second rule...stat!"

"Of course we don't mind you working from home - we'd just rather it was from your own home, Mr Webb."

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

"I'm running a loose ship."

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be underappreciated by your boss?"

'I see the Maids have been in!'

"Armstrong, why do we have Fourth of July decorations up? It's months away." "Exactly." "A true patriot loves his country regardless of the date." "A true patriot celebrates the founding of our corporatocracy every single day of the year, minion." "Some of the decorations are smeared with coffee grounds and banana peels." "A true patriot knows that one cafe's dumpster is another cafe's treasure."

Junior's Towel

I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

'Now we come to what it would have been worth'

Laundromat: Bulletin Board - Have you seen this sock?

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

Martha Stewart at Home.

"I've been thinking it over, Tom, and I've concluded that there's no room in this family for two people."