Dirt Connoisseur Gifts

"I'll wear any kind of dirt, but I prefer a rich loam with lots of humus."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"There, all neat and tidy!"

"Joel! Killer crust!"

"It's too late for Jim. The tchotchkes have him now."

'Time to buy.'

"I know it is of this earth...."

'I lost a fight with a mud puddle.'

'Maybe he has some sort of mystic attachment to the soil.'

"Sheez. I hope they like pictures of dirt."

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."

Bob’s Museum

'Thank goodness next week we'll be in a new dynasty and we can make some other style of pottery.'

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

'We think he has a future in politics.'

'I agree. You should definitely increase your refresh rate!'

'I never thought my dirt would turn on me like this.'

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

'There are two color schemes: dark ones that attract light dirt, and light ones that attract dark dirt.'

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

'Parents are so inconsistent. They spend all day avoiding soil loss and all night promoting it.'

'I thought this was supposed to be clean fill dirt!'

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

How Gary got his groove back.

'Look! It's Trendy Vineyards' Merlot Window Cleaner! Streak-free cleaning, because it's 50 proof!'

A catch-all is born.

"You've opened my eyes to the most disgusting worldly delights."

'The new intelligent dummies aren't working out. They've figured out there's a break!'

YOUR HORSE - Poster style outlining horse parts.

'I asked for a report on the long and short of it, Henderson - This only addresses the breadth and depth.'

'I leave it this way, because leaving it this way is a labor-saving device.'

User friendly soil.

"Of course we don't mind you working from home - we'd just rather it was from your own home, Mr Webb."