Tile Connoisseur Gifts

Ceiling Specialists Meet in the Middle.

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

"Bob! Your manure's here!"

Garden Shop: Top Soil. Bottom Soil.

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

'Thank goodness next week we'll be in a new dynasty and we can make some other style of pottery.'

Crane fishing

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

"I say we settle around here, there's no chemical aftertaste to the soil: Must be an organic farmer..."

Man-made vs dog-made

"All new appliances, brand new subway tile backsplash and a unique kitchen island; notice those coconuts!"

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'I know that's what your father calls it, Sweetheart...but a nicer word for it is fertilizer!'

"No, we're looking for a roofer, not a woofer."

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

"I'll wear any kind of dirt, but I prefer a rich loam with lots of humus."

'There are two color schemes: dark ones that attract light dirt, and light ones that attract dark dirt.'

'The spheres keep rolling away, Your Majesty -- how about we just build a pyramid?'

'Look! It's Trendy Vineyards' Merlot Window Cleaner! Streak-free cleaning, because it's 50 proof!'

'It's a good building contract legally, but your jargon's weak.'

'After sinking all our money into our website, we couldn't afford to finish our building.'

'Look dear - the first skip of spring...'

Earthly Delights Garden Centre

'Best bit of winter pipe lagging I've seen for ages...unfortunately, that's just the scaffolding.'

'Try to relax, Ed. It's a beach, not sandy soil.'

"I see you ladies are admiring the Tuscan Blue."

I'm looking for a job?

"It needs a dash of gravel, I reckon."

Build bridges, not walls. Unless it's housing. Then it's better to build walls.

Kitchen Tiling.