Theatrical Philosopher Gifts

"Aeschylus is good, I suppose, but I go to the theatre to relax."

"A million monkeys typing for a million years might come up with Hamlet, but they could never direct it."

Clever youth stating that he considers Shakespeare overrated

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Shakespeare was bisexual

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'There's nothing on.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"The raw material was all around me: That's how I got started as a sculptor..."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

The man who invented the wheel/The man who patented the wheel.

The revolution that hit Hollywood hardest:The Thinking Pictures."

Shakespeare working on his "author's bio"

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

'Stop quoting from films and get on with it.'

Who's torturing a crow? I'm practicing my play. It's art! Which opens your mind to life's important questions. Right. Like what is art? Or do we need little brothers?

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

The Modern Godot

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

'How did he make the world in six days?'

Jackson Pollock makes a mistake: 'Guess I'll have to start over.'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

The Last Jedi dvd is going to have fourteen deleted scenes! Horrible mistake. The confident creator releases his work to the world and says This is it. This is what I want to show you. He doesn't then show you all the stuff he might have put in the story. Did Prince release the deleted stanza from Little Red Corvette where he also compared her to a Ford Pinto? Wait ... Prince compared a sexy lady to a Ford Pinto? Who knows? That's my point. Aren't you glad you don't know what?

The Meaning of Life

'I loved your argument. When are you planning to perform it again?'

Oak Tree Painted in 1642

The Greatest Mime in the World

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

"I guess when you run out of Tooth Fairy teeth, you gotta go get a job!"

'In defense of rotten movies, they DO have the remarkable ability to make it seem like maybe your life isn't flying by that fast after all!'