Surgery Jokes Fan Gifts

"I really wouldn't worry. The person performing your operation is one of the country's finest quilters."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Satisfaction, stat!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"It was a botched surgery."

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

Quick! 5-second rule!

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

"Good?"

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

"Did you get some work done?"

'Another botched Snotox injection...'

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

'I can't turn it off.'

"The I.R.S. can't hurt him anymore."

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

'Dr. Frisinger thinks he may have left a clamp in you.'

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'