Surgery Humor Fan Gifts

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

Current location

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'I think you'll get a kick out of our 'haunted' MRI, Mrs. Hanratty.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

Johns Hopkins School of Best Medicine

"Here comes the super-visor."

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."