Surgery Humor Fan Gifts

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

"Here comes the super-visor."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.