Surgery Humor Gifts

"Which is it today doctor, - Back, Beatles, or Backstreet Boys?"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"It was a botched surgery."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

Quick! 5-second rule!

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

Pinocchio has a nose job.

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

Hospital Cleaning.

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

"Did you get some work done?"

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

"Say, does anyone here know how to tie a sailor's knot?"

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

'Doc, check out screen 2 in ten minutes...we got the big game!'

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

Dentists who do appendectomies.

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

Casino plastic surgery...specializing poker faces.