Surgical Humor Gifts

"My husband's a surgeon, he can't let go of his work."

"He did it again. Slipped out and replaced himself with a bunch of lumpy pillows."

Ice Cream Surgeon

PSA Banter.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

World Cup Fever

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

You can relax now.

Current location

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

Bad news for famed author, I. P. Freely, 'Yellow Waterfalls': 'It's your prostate, I.P., It's as big as a baseball.'