Surgical Humorist Gifts

"OK, the old ones in my right hand..."

'I'm past the liver, and there's the inflamed gallbladder. ... OK, switch us back to the game...'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'Now, I know I came in here for something!'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'Malpractice? No -it's not our dog.'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

'Hear that, Daniels, he just said 'malarky'. See if you can get him to say 'sassafras' ha ha ha.'

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

A Surgeon's Weights

"Of course, with hindsight it was probably a mistake to perform my own facelift."

Surgeon using hover mower

"I love spring days when we get to work outdoors."

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

"Hey. When we he wakes up, how 'bout I talk but you make the faces."

'It was a trememdous piece of surgery!...'

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

You know, you might be too squeamish for this job.

"Rolling pizza cutter."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Vlad the Inhaler

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.