Surgical Humor Aficionado Gifts

A Doctor sewing up a Patient's incision with a sewing machine.

Surgical mittens, an idea whose time has not come.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

Hospital Cleaning.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

'Golf War Syndrome.'

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

Dentists who do appendectomies.

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"