Surgical Humor Aficionado Gifts

A Doctor sewing up a Patient's incision with a sewing machine.

Surgical mittens, an idea whose time has not come.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

Hospital Cleaning.

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

'Golf War Syndrome.'

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'