Surgical Satire Enthusiast Gifts

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

Need Your Support - I have a hernia.

Surgeons keeping score of successes and fatalities.

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Satisfaction, stat!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

"It was a botched surgery."

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'

Flu Drugs.

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

"I have some troubling news, Mr. Smithson. You're in my parking space."

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

"I'm afraid we've had to move him to expensive care."

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

'Remember the NHS ethos; if it ain't broke, break it. Then make sure it can't be mended.'

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'