Surgery Satire Enthusiast Gifts

"Mr Brown. Are you in for a triple bypass or an ingrown toenail?"

"Sorry Mr. Parkinson, but I've left some rubber gloves inside you. I need to open you up to retrieve them."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"It was a botched surgery."

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'

Flu Drugs.

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

"I have some troubling news, Mr. Smithson. You're in my parking space."

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

"I'm afraid we've had to move him to expensive care."

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

'Remember the NHS ethos; if it ain't broke, break it. Then make sure it can't be mended.'