Surgery Satirist Gifts

"Don't worry – it's medical marijuana."

'Count backwards from 100 and tell me when you can no longer feel your wallet.'

Things you don't want to hear or why they make sure you're asleep

'...now that is a lot of plastic!'

"The good news is your surgery went fine. The bad news is we left a candle inside you."

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

'Need some money for a facelift, I presume?'

Penile Implants

"You're doing it wrong."

'I told you not to do that. Now put it back.'

"If you enjoyed heart surgery you might also enjoy major bowel surgery."

Possible grounds for a malpractice suit.

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

"Did you get some work done?"

Casino plastic surgery...specializing poker faces.

"I think it's a little early to call it a botched operation."

"Say, does anyone here know how to tie a sailor's knot?"

"Well, you asked for a penis extension."

"It was a botched surgery."

"I'd like a face-lift please!"

'That's definitely the last time I recommend a wine to my plastic surgeon.'

'Doc, check out screen 2 in ten minutes...we got the big game!'

'He can't seem to keep anything down.'

Another stomach successfully stapled.

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"He's chief surgeon, and this is a tricky procedure. If he doesn't want any witnesses, he doesn't get any witnesses."

"By making the medical experience more like the shopping experience we're hoping the patient will have more fun."

"Pull my finger."

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Virtual Doctor

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'