Surgical Humor Fan Gifts

'What are you in for?'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

Wait a minute…What operating system are you using?… Common techie question.

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

"Rolling pizza cutter."

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"Good?"

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"The I.R.S. can't hurt him anymore."

'I can't turn it off.'

Hospital Cleaning.

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

'Another botched Snotox injection...'

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

"I'm removing the liver.. No, the kidneys... Presure, pressure, what's that blobby thing?"