Surgical Satire Fan Gifts

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

"We have male patient coming in who has a large parsnip stuck up his colon!"

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

"Satisfaction, stat!"

Surgery on a Magician

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

'No! No! - it's an ELASTIC band I want!'

The Surgeon Finds the Source of the Problem

Frankly I find it offensive and sickening! I just hope the poor pig can have the surgery reversed!

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Hold it. I'd like a second opinion!"

"I'm a bit knackered, I'm off home. I'll finish off the last bit tomorrow morning."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'You've got dry scalp.'

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Your veins are too narrow. Let me get our in-house specialist to help."

"It was a botched surgery."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"