Surgery Satire Fan Gifts

"Good?"

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'And if you like we can arrange for you to receive next to last rites on the morning of your surgery.'

Rhinoplastic Surgery.

"The I.R.S. can't hurt him anymore."

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

'I can't restore your virginity...but I can tighten the screws.'

"How did your nose job go?"

'I think you've reached the mandatory retirement number of oopses.'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

"I don't carry as much money as I used to. Could you decrease the size of my wazoo?"

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'You've got dry scalp.'

"It was a botched surgery."

"Your veins are too narrow. Let me get our in-house specialist to help."

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'Sure we're underfunded, but we manage!'

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'