Comedy Surgery Fan Gifts

'I can't turn it off.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

Wait a minute…What operating system are you using?… Common techie question.

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

"Good?"

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

Hospital Cleaning.

'Another botched Snotox injection...'

"The I.R.S. can't hurt him anymore."

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

'Dr. Frisinger thinks he may have left a clamp in you.'

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"Sorry Mr. Parkinson, but I've left some rubber gloves inside you. I need to open you up to retrieve them."

Your body initially rejected the new kidney, but after we pumped you full of liquor, your body found the new kidney kind of attractive. We'll see what happens in the morning, though.

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

Dentists who do appendectomies.

"Mr Brown. Are you in for a triple bypass or an ingrown toenail?"