Surgical Comedy Lover Gifts

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

'Just another couple of pages.'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?

"Rolling pizza cutter."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

Anatomy.

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

'The good news is that new medicine cleared up the spots, but...'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

"I know we're supposed to get rid of 'superbugs', but ours is the only one that understands the IT systems!"

Hospital Cleaning.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

'I can't turn it off.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'