Surgical Comedy Lover Gifts

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'Just another couple of pages.'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

Anatomy.

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"Rolling pizza cutter."

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

'The good news is that new medicine cleared up the spots, but...'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

"I know we're supposed to get rid of 'superbugs', but ours is the only one that understands the IT systems!"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

'I can't turn it off.'

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

Hospital Cleaning.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"