Surgical Wit Lover Gifts

"Surgeons. Too good to sort their recyclables?"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

Pinocchio has a nose job.

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

Hospital Cleaning.

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

"I'm removing the liver.. No, the kidneys... Presure, pressure, what's that blobby thing?"

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

'Golf War Syndrome.'

"Open mike night"

Dentists who do appendectomies.

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"