Surgical Wit Lover Pillows

"Surgeons. Too good to sort their recyclables?"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

Pinocchio has a nose job.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

Hospital Cleaning.

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

"I'm removing the liver.. No, the kidneys... Presure, pressure, what's that blobby thing?"

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

'Golf War Syndrome.'

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

"Open mike night"

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

Dentists who do appendectomies.